Marital Infidelity Investigations

Sometimes called ‘peace of mind’ investigations.

Whether it is called "an affair", "being unfaithful", "cheating" or simply "fooling around", the emotional effect on the betrayed partner in a relationship can be devastating!

It is important for a person who finds him or her self in this unhappy situation NOT to assume anything, jump to conclusions, or base actions purely on gossip, emotion and suspicion.

Investigating a cheating spouse is a delicate matter. Wrongfully accusing a spouse of having an affair can do as much damage as actually having an affair. Decisions on the future of a marriage or partnership cannot be made without knowing the true facts of the matter.

Occasionally an investigation will reveal that a client's suspicions were unfounded -- or that for the present at least, nothing is happening. In some situations a timely investigation can enable a person to salvage the relationship.

If you are uncertain or need to confirm suspicions about a cheating partner contact John Horton and Associates.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU THINK YOUR PARTNER IS INVOLVED WITH ANOTHER PERSON

First a few general rules:-

1. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR PARTNER. Confrontation will only lead to denials and cause the partner to be more careful or cunning. Confrontation will certainly make it more difficult for your investigator to establish precisely what is happening.

2. CAUTION. Before taking any action, count to 10, settle down and DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING.

3. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. Count to 10 again and CAREFULLY develop a strategy to deal with the issue.

4. CONTROL ANGER - it achieves nothing and usually makes matters worse.

5. YOU MUST UNCOVER FACTUAL EVIDENCE to support your suspicions that something is going on. NEVER BASE YOUR ACTIONS PURELY ON SUSPICIONS, EMOTION OR GOSSIP. Innocent people may be hurt.

6. TRUST NO ONE! No matter how much you trust a particular person DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR CONCERNS OR SUSPICIONS WITH ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS OR ACQUAINTANCES, MALE OR FEMALE. Sooner, probably, than later, your partner will get to hear about your concerns either directly or from a 3rd or 4th party and will be put on their guard.

7. ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND THAT YOUR PARTNER MAY BE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE HUSBAND OR WIFE OF ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS. You could be confiding in the very person who is involved in the affair.

WHAT TO DO BEFORE ENGAGING AN INVESTIGATOR

Keep a diarised record of the partner's movements for a minimum of two weeks PRIOR to engaging an investigator.

During this time record daily distances travelled in his/her motor vehicle. Record departure and arrival times to assist in establishing a pattern.

If the partner claims to be working late, check pay-slips to see if overtime has been paid.

If claiming to be working overtime drive past his/her workplace. Can you see his/her vehicle? Are the lights on in the building?

Phone him/her at work on a landline to say hello or to ask an innocent question. If there is no answer it could indicate a problem. If you do not receive an answer on your first call keep calling at 45 minute intervals and make a note of the precise time each call is made. When returning home casually ask him/her about the evenings work. If he/she is lying your record of attempts to contact will help you prove that you are being lied to.

Check telephone accounts carefully. Look for numbers that have been called regularly or frequently. Consider asking your telephone service provider for detailed telephone accounts. If an account appears to have been ‘lost’ ask the phone company for a copy.

Purchase an inexpensive 'Caller I.D. Unit', available from Dick Smiths, Tandy's and most phone shops. Ensure that you can obtain the telephone records or use the 'caller I.D unit' without raising suspicion.

A person involved in an affair may use a mobile phone to communicate with their new love. Most, if not all, mobiles have an internal facility, which keeps a record of the most recent received and outgoing calls. If you are not familiar in the use of the particular brand/type of phone, a mobile phone shop salesperson will show you how to access the numbers. (Make sure you know the make and model of the phone involved).

If you leave your partner at home alone, try pressing 'redial' upon your return, and always before using the phone again, to find out whom it connects you to. If you have an extension phone in another room it will be probably be necessary to press 'redial’ on each of the telephones.

Tune-in on home telephone calls especially where your partner is suddenly inclined to talk softly or whisper, or gives a quick, unhelpful answer such as 'I'm sorry you have a wrong number' and immediately hangs up. Be suspicious if you answer the telephone only to hear the caller hang up without speaking. It may be the 'friend' calling.

Gather clear photographs of your partner AND if available, photographs of any friend or acquaintance whom you may consider to be involved with your partner.

Make a note of the make, model, colour and registration number of your own and ALL friends vehicles (both male and female) and their home and work addresses. Photographs of motor vehicles driven by your partner will also assist.

A person involved in an affair will usually spend money on a lover. Carefully check bank and credit card accounts and other financial resource records, which could indicate a change in spending patterns. Look for shopping, restaurant and motel receipts. Don’t be afraid to scavenge through the rubbish bin!

Wallets, brief cases and handbags, pockets, vehicle glove boxes, under seats, etc., should be checked for receipts, pieces of paper with phone numbers, or addresses, condoms, etc. The seats of vehicles should be carefully checked for signs of unusual staining.

Check notebooks, diary, computer, etc., for notes, phone numbers etc. Look especially for cryptic notes and numbers.

Be on the lookout for cosmetic stains on shirt collars. Traces of cologne/perfume on shirts, or blouses, cigarette odours on the clothing or in the hair, especially if your partner is a non-smoker. Arriving home with damp head hair (from very recent showering). Head hair of a different colour on clothing, pubic hair of a different colour, especially in underwear and bedding, or seminal stains on underwear.

Comprehensive information on movements of the suspected partner will result in a speedy conclusion to the investigation and will reduce fees. Using the information obtained we will determine the most appropriate time to perform surveillance on the individual in question.

The surveillance may take place over a few days or may be stretched out over a few weeks, all dependent upon the particular situation or circumstances. Even though infidelity may not exist it may take several hours of surveillance to determine the true situation. Obviously the investigation cannot be left ‘open ended’ and it is for this reason an agreement contracting for a minimum length of service is required prior to our agency agreeing to undertake the assignment.

WHEN ENGAGING AN INVESTIGATOR

It is important to provide full details of the situation even those issues that may cause embarrassment to you. As investigators dedicated to working on your behalf we will only able to provide the proof and evidence you need if you tell us the whole story. Anything less can jeopardise the investigation and affect on our ability to bring it to a successful conclusion.

Please be aware that we are not magicians! We cannot find infidelity where it does not exist. Sometimes, despite signs to the contrary, there is no infidelity or it happens too infrequently or is too well hidden to be uncovered.

CHEATING INDICATORS

The following is a guide that may help you determine if your partner is involved in an affair. People in a marriage or partnership get to know their partner’s habits and subtleties intimately over time and even a slight change in usual behaviour can usually be noticed. Intuition or just a feeling that 'something is not quite right' could be an indicator that there is a problem.

• At the commencement of an affair the cheating partner will sometimes be more attentive to you. This may be due to a feeling of guilt or to give you the impression that nothing is going on.

• Your partner tells you that it is ‘all in your imagination’.

• Your partner might tell you that he or she ‘need my space’ or more time alone.

• Telephone and mobile telephone accounts are hidden.

• Partner no longer wears a wedding ring.

• When the affair has been ongoing for some time your partner may become critical or openly ‘picky’ with you in an effort to justify the affair in his or her own mind.

• A cheating partner may lose interest in ordinary home activities and may show a lack of interest in you and the children. The person may also lose interest in maintaining the home or carrying out routine repairs, maintenance and gardening.

• Almost invariably your partner will show a change in his/her sexual behaviour. This can take the form of more, or (usually) less, sexual activity with you, a difference in lovemaking technique or response, interest in new or different positions, as well as out-of-the-ordinary sexual requests.

• Grooming habits may change. Your partner may spend more time on their personal appearance. Indicators can include:-

greater care in dress,

unexpected purchase of new items of clothing, or toiletries,

more frequent showering or showering after being out late at night,

a sudden interest in improving physical fitness,

increased use of make-up, perfumes or after-shave preparations.

• Does your partner spend a lot of time using a computer on non-work related matters? Is the computer connected to the Internet? Could he/she be corresponding with the person by Email, fax, or through a 'chat' line?

• Be alert if he/she suddenly starts volunteering to shop for you. Your spouse may be seeking an opportunity to get out of the house to make contact with the ‘friend’.

• Is your partner spending more time away from home that usual? Working late at the office? Has he/she taken up a new hobby, sporting interest, or training course that takes him/her away from home on a regular basis, especially in the evenings? Any such activity could provide the time and cover for an affair.

• A female involved in an affair is usually more selective in the choice of a lover than a man in the same situation. Most females are looking for a longer lasting relationship rather than a 'one night stand'.

• When a female is having an affair she may appear happier than usual. She may go 'shopping' or visit friends more frequently. A female friend will often provide a 'cover story' for her, to give her more opportunity to be away from home to see her lover. Male friends will also provide ‘cover stories’ for their 'mates' to enable them to get out of the house.

And finally:-

• Do keep an open mind and always keep in mind that your partner may be innocent. Don’t destroy a good relationship by making assumptions or jumping to conclusions.

• Do not engage the services of an investigator until you have carefully considered the consequences of actually knowing that your partner really is intimately involved with another person.

• If you still love your partner and want to continue/save your relationship you might consider seeking relationship counselling for BOTH of you.